Grateful

I read a book about gaining selfasteem, written by Mia Törnblom and one task she gives the reader is to list 3 good things about the day, 3 things you are grateful for and 3 things you need help with. My list today:

1. I was doing a great work out at the gym
2. I was trying to be a good friend and support my colleague when her boyfriend called at work and act like a complete arse...
3. I have been listening to music and tried to cheer up!

1. I am grateful for being able to go to the gym and have a great work out
2. I am grateful for having friends who misses me
3. I am grateful for having a good job

1. Please help me to be positive
2. Please help me to achive my goals
3. Please help me to accept myself the way I am

Weight

Well, it's Monday and I weigh myself every Monday. I had the same weight as last week. I have noticed a pattern... Every two weeks nothing have happened and the week after I loose about 1 kg. It has been like this for the last six weeks I think. The good part is that I know I am doing what I am supposed to, so I think my body just need some extra time to adjust. I will loose weight, I will get fit and I will succeed! It's just taking a bit longer than I hoped for...

Well, it's not an option to give up - this is the way I live now. If I continue I can't fail!

The good part is that I feel so good and I can actually look at myself in the mirror without getting disgusted - that is worth a lot...

Thank you for the strength to change my life!

No Food

I am sooo tired. I went to the gym and I felt like I could go on for hours, but as soon as I went into the shower I got so low. I had no inspiration what to cook, nor the strength to do it, so when I came home I just had some porridge. But now I don't have anything to eat for lunch tomorrow!!! I don't eat in the kitchen anymore, it's to busy and to small so I don't feel comfortable there.

I just feel annoyed! I know that you need to respect each other and try to share when you live together, but right now I am longing for my own place!

I hope my housemates go to their boyfriends and girlfriends so I have the house for myself this weekend so I have time to clean and cook and some time on my own...

Am trying to cheer me up with some music but it's not really working...

-6,7 kg

I have lost totally 6,7 kg since 29th January 2008. I feel so good, am so happy and I love my new life! On Monday it is time for my next measurement and I hope it will go well. I am nervous every time I am going to step up on the scale, but I tell myself not to be in a hurry. I need to find a way that will work for the rest of my life - that will not happen right away.

It will take time since I have a lot to loose, but I am confident I will succeed, thanks to my PT. :)

Suddenly I start to accept my looks... I will never become a model, but that is not what it is about, is it? I want to be healty, I want to like myself, I want to be able to handle a relationship and I hope I will not be totally obsessed with looks... Unfortunately I think to much about looks, mine and others...

Eating disorder

Ok, perhaps it's not as serious as it sounds, but my colleagues says that I have an eating disorder. All I can think of is food and training, and especially food I can't have... When I was ill last week I was thinking of sweets all the time, but now I am allright. Unfortunately, in a moment of weakness, I ordered sweets from my sister who is coming today...

It is hard, and I know I am obsessed, but I can't help it. My mum says that I am overdoing it and pushing my body to hard. I shouldn't listen to everyone, but it is difficult!

I'm trying to tell myself that I want to be healthy, but then I also need to find a balance in my life.

Then I start to think again that I would like to work with massage, health and training. Perhaps I should go back to school and get an education?

Back in training

I met my PT yesterday for a session. It felt great to be back! I couldn't do any training for my upper body, but it was ok anyway.

Some exercises are quite difficult - yesterday I was doing a new one and I had problems to find the technique - I lost the ball all the time!

I was just going to say that I think I have improved myself according to the abs training, but then he gave me an exercise and I thought I could never ever move... It's a weird feeling - you know what to do, you struggle, but your body doesn't move...

Virtual model

I just found a webpage where you can make your own virtual model. Here I have made one of me today and one model of what I could look like at 65 kg.

Still in pain

Now I have been in pain since Tuesday. This is exhausting! I haven't done any exercise for days, not even lower body, because as soon as I am moving the body twinge in pain... So, I decided to give my body some rest...

I am afraid that I will not be able to work tomorrow since I'm not well yet!

Tomorrow I am going to weight and meassure myself, and I am afraid it's not going to be good because I haven't been exercising...

When you are in pain, you feel hungrier. I have tried to keep my diet, but this week has been really hard. Haven't planned my meals that well, because I had no strength to prepare a lot of food. I just ate the simpliest, fastest I could get my hands on...

Injured!

Now I have had great pain in my shoulder since Tuesday. This affects my mood, my determination and diet...

I just want to lye in my bed, eating chocolate and sweets, but I know I wont get better from that!

I need to rest my shoulder and I shouldn't type this on the computer, but I can't do it with one hand! Am off work today and tomorrow and then it's weekend - hopefully I am fit for fight on Monday!

My training will continue, I will just work my lower body and skip my upper body for 2 weeks.

Typical.... :(

HOJX

HOJX is the name of the cruise I went on... I met some friends, I danced, was a conferencier and sang karaoke and got on 3rd place! All together a fun weekend!

Holiday in Sweden

Well, the holiday in Sweden didn't end the way I planned. I didn't exercise as much as I wanted - I thought it was a bit expensive so I didn't go to the gym, neither to swim when I came to Västerås. But, I did exercise everyday, by going for long walks, shopping and doing exercises with the pilates ball I found in Dad´s flat.

It was hard to find proper food on the cruise to Finland. First night was ok, because it was a buffé. I couldn't resist to try some of the desserts, but I got a bit of bad consious so I just had a few bites and then I left it... My sister reminded me about the starving children in Africa, but no way I was going to eat everything up!

Saturday was awful! Nothing was opened so we had to buy sandwiches. My sister is vegetarian and I wanted to eat according to GI. Good luck with that! We bought turkey wraps - that was the best thing we could find!

Well, we was dancing a lot anyway, so I got some exercise that way...

I had a great time but unfortunately I didn't meet that many of my friends, except for my bikerfriends on the cruise.

It's nice to be back at work and back to the gym. People has actually missed me at the gym! Ryan asked me where I have been because he hasn't seen me for a while and the same with Shauna, a girl from Canada I met a few weeks ago.

Had a hard session with my PT yesterday and I guess I got what I deserved - and I felt great!

Holiday is nice, but I am happy to be back!

-5,3 kg

Ok, now I have lost 5,3 kilo totally! First I thought that 5 kilos is nothing, but then someone said that it's great and I started to think...

So, my weightloss is only a few kilos, but the change is much bigger than that. I have lost 5 kilos and people are already saying that I look great and so on. I FEEL great! I enjoy my exercises, I enjoy my meals and I enjoy life! I walk with my head high, confident, and I get noticed!

I am on my way to my new life and it does not feel like I am giving something up. No, I just enjoy it!

Even my PT said I looked great when I came back from my holiday.

My hair is shiny and gorgeous, my skin is much cleaner and healthier and I have that little spark in my eye. I want to stay like this!

I am learning to love myself for the first time in my life!

Difficulties when you loose you routine

Now I am in Sweden on holiday. I don't really have that happy feeling. Yesterday I went for a fast, long walk for 90 minutes, but that was it. Today I haven't had any exercise yet because that damn place does not open until 16:00! Went for a short walk outside, but it was freezing! Had been snowing...

Tonight I will go swimming and tomorrow I will go to my dad's place in Västerås and then I will have a lot more to choose from! Then I will go to spinning class, go to the gym, go swimming and so on. Then I will go on the cruise so I know I will not do any exercises Saturday and Sunday, except for dancing.

I miss my gym! I miss my PT... I realise how much he helps to keep my motivation...

People already say they can see a huge difference. I don't know really, I just know I am on the way to a better self.