The Downs

Malin, Carin and I went to The Downs and had a walk from Ditchling Beacon to Devil's Dyke and it's a walk for about 7 miles (more or less 10 km). It was a beautiful walk and the weather was really nice! :) We had a great time. When we arrived to Devil's Dyke we had a pic nic and relaxed for a bit. Then we took the bus back to Brighton. We might do this soon again since we all enjoyed it so much! :)

A big laugh!

I am taking pictures to follow my way to skinnyness... *laughing* I was posing in front of my camera and I look really silly and I laugh hard every time I see this picture. As entertainment I will share that one with you.

What the f**ck am I doing?!

Ok, right now I think I have a cerebral haemorrhage. What am I doing?! Ok, I got disappointed when I was rejected. It felt as if nothing mattered, that I am not good enough and will never be good enough, no matter how much weight I loose. I just lost my motivation!

I have been eating sweets for one month now. During this month I have lost about 0,5 kg. What a waste of time! I could have lost so much more if I didn't eat chocolate and shit!!! Still, I can't help myself. I say to myself that I will not buy that shit, but still I buy it and eat it as if I'm not consious. It's as if I wake up afterwards and see the chocolate-stains on my fingers, the taste in my mouth and I realise that I have been eating something I shouldn't. How can I stop it?! I hate myself!

My personal trainer is back from holiday tomorrow. I know it's stupid, but I am hoping for a miracle. I am afraid he will get really angry and tell me off - it really scares me... But perhaps that is what I need to stop with this negative behaviour... It is waste of time and money if I continue to eat chocolate. Good, it feels as if I am loosing myself... I'm drowning...

Letting myself down

I have had a couple of really tough weeks. I have been sad, I have had chocolate, my knee got swollen, I caught a cold. Really shitty weeks... :(

I was doing my workout on Saturday and then I felt my knee wasn't good. Told my PT about it and he checked it and said I need to give it some rest. Just do some cardio for a few days. Then I had my restingday on Sunday and then on Monday it was bankholiday, but I was working and when I left work the gym was closed so no workout on Monday either. Then I got sick (cold)... Went to the gym anyway on Wednesday. I was just going into the sauna, but I couldn't resist to do some workout... Felt quite exhausted afterwards. So no workout either Thursday, Friday or Saturday. Been out for some walks thought, so I have at least used my body a bit! Today it's Sunday and I went to the gym for the first time for ages!!! It felt so good!

Now I need to stay on track! I love the exercise, but I do have some problems with my diet. Everything got fucked up when I went back to Sweden. After that I lost everything... Must resist my cravings!

Now my PT is on holiday for 2 weeks so I must be good! I want to make him (and myself) proud of me when he is coming back! Want to reach my goal - have 1o more kilos to loose! Then I will look great - at least I hope so...

Well, now it's time to be useful...