Ok, right now I think I have a cerebral haemorrhage. What am I doing?! Ok, I got disappointed when I was rejected. It felt as if nothing mattered, that I am not good enough and will never be good enough, no matter how much weight I loose. I just lost my motivation!
I have been eating sweets for one month now. During this month I have lost about 0,5 kg. What a waste of time! I could have lost so much more if I didn't eat chocolate and shit!!! Still, I can't help myself. I say to myself that I will not buy that shit, but still I buy it and eat it as if I'm not consious. It's as if I wake up afterwards and see the chocolate-stains on my fingers, the taste in my mouth and I realise that I have been eating something I shouldn't. How can I stop it?! I hate myself!
My personal trainer is back from holiday tomorrow. I know it's stupid, but I am hoping for a miracle. I am afraid he will get really angry and tell me off - it really scares me... But perhaps that is what I need to stop with this negative behaviour... It is waste of time and money if I continue to eat chocolate. Good, it feels as if I am loosing myself... I'm drowning...
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