Empty space

I haven't written that much here since I moved back to Sweden. Will do my best to make a change to the better...

Just wrote this today:
"Have you ever felt as if you had an empty space within you? As if the darkness is spreading, eating you up from inside? How can pain appear from nothing? Because darkness is like an empty space, a big nothing…

How can I fill this empty space? How will I ease the pain?

I’m eating… Sweets, chocolate… I’m chewing faster, pressing it down in my mouth. Trying to fill up my stomach, to fill the empty space in there!

Soon I start to feel nauseous… The sweets makes me nauseous, it gives me stomach ache, but I can’t stop.

Then I get sad and start to cry… I don’t want to be a fat girl! I can’t see myself in the mirror, I hate my own reflection!

I am fat and disgust others. I disgust myself. All I want, is to become thin! The black hole within me is getting bigger and bigger, and it’s eating me up from inside…"