Hey, I'm hot!

I've lost 14,5 kilo and I start to feel pretty. I'm getting more confident and I love to watch the new me. Sometimes I can hardly understand it's me watching back at me in the mirror.

I have regained some of my motivation and I haven't had sweets for over a week! Jippiiiieee!!!! This morning when I checked my weight I had lost 1,3 kilo - in one week! I'm so happy. Next week it's my birthday. First I was hoping to get down to 70 kilo, but I realise I will not manage that, but I will have reached 70 kilo when I go back to Sweden to celebrate my grandfathers 80th birthday. :)

Went out with my sister Saturday, and yes, I am noticeble... What a feeling! ;) I need the attention, I need to feel attractive - and so I did.

Still same weight...

I haven't been that good... Have been depressed, lost motivation and I had a lot of sweets when I went back to Sweden a few weeks ago. I still weigh about 74 kilo and I was supposed to loose one more kilo before I can go jogging. I am really longing to go out jogging so I thought that would be encouragement enough to get a grip of myself, but obviously not... Next week I will start jogging!
Will enclose one before picture and one recent picture... Still I have a lot of excess "bagage" which I will get rid of!

The Downs

Malin, Carin and I went to The Downs and had a walk from Ditchling Beacon to Devil's Dyke and it's a walk for about 7 miles (more or less 10 km). It was a beautiful walk and the weather was really nice! :) We had a great time. When we arrived to Devil's Dyke we had a pic nic and relaxed for a bit. Then we took the bus back to Brighton. We might do this soon again since we all enjoyed it so much! :)

A big laugh!

I am taking pictures to follow my way to skinnyness... *laughing* I was posing in front of my camera and I look really silly and I laugh hard every time I see this picture. As entertainment I will share that one with you.

What the f**ck am I doing?!

Ok, right now I think I have a cerebral haemorrhage. What am I doing?! Ok, I got disappointed when I was rejected. It felt as if nothing mattered, that I am not good enough and will never be good enough, no matter how much weight I loose. I just lost my motivation!

I have been eating sweets for one month now. During this month I have lost about 0,5 kg. What a waste of time! I could have lost so much more if I didn't eat chocolate and shit!!! Still, I can't help myself. I say to myself that I will not buy that shit, but still I buy it and eat it as if I'm not consious. It's as if I wake up afterwards and see the chocolate-stains on my fingers, the taste in my mouth and I realise that I have been eating something I shouldn't. How can I stop it?! I hate myself!

My personal trainer is back from holiday tomorrow. I know it's stupid, but I am hoping for a miracle. I am afraid he will get really angry and tell me off - it really scares me... But perhaps that is what I need to stop with this negative behaviour... It is waste of time and money if I continue to eat chocolate. Good, it feels as if I am loosing myself... I'm drowning...

Letting myself down

I have had a couple of really tough weeks. I have been sad, I have had chocolate, my knee got swollen, I caught a cold. Really shitty weeks... :(

I was doing my workout on Saturday and then I felt my knee wasn't good. Told my PT about it and he checked it and said I need to give it some rest. Just do some cardio for a few days. Then I had my restingday on Sunday and then on Monday it was bankholiday, but I was working and when I left work the gym was closed so no workout on Monday either. Then I got sick (cold)... Went to the gym anyway on Wednesday. I was just going into the sauna, but I couldn't resist to do some workout... Felt quite exhausted afterwards. So no workout either Thursday, Friday or Saturday. Been out for some walks thought, so I have at least used my body a bit! Today it's Sunday and I went to the gym for the first time for ages!!! It felt so good!

Now I need to stay on track! I love the exercise, but I do have some problems with my diet. Everything got fucked up when I went back to Sweden. After that I lost everything... Must resist my cravings!

Now my PT is on holiday for 2 weeks so I must be good! I want to make him (and myself) proud of me when he is coming back! Want to reach my goal - have 1o more kilos to loose! Then I will look great - at least I hope so...

Well, now it's time to be useful...

Jogging

I have started jogging outside and it's great! :) Last week when I was in Sweden I was jogging 5 km and that was ok. I also went cycling - 30 km. I am just getting better and better!

I can also see the difference and I get so many compliments. I have also noticed that men are noticing me much more. Don't know wether it's because I look better, or if it's because I feel better now when I loose weight and get more fit. Suppose it's a combination. I feel beatiful and I think the sparkles in my eyes are back!

My PT said something interesting today. He said: See yourself as an artist. You are sculpturing your new body. Sometimes when I feel down and want to eat sweets I should remember that it's not worth it.

One other thing he said is that I am able to do so many things that others can't do. I am capable of doing so much, a lot more than others. I know it's silly, but I feel a bit better knowing that I am doing a good job. We all have our challanges.