Worse than me...

There are people having a hard time - who are fare worse than I am! I'm not bothered. If I have cancer, so what? I will do the course anyway, I will embrace life.

I just read Ulla-Brittas blogg, haven't done that for a while, and I realise that she is having a really hard time. I definately need to go to Gotland soon! Visit her, visit Isa, visit everyone I love there...

One week left to Christmas... I wish for a good Christmas Holiday! (Please hear my pray!)

Breastcancer?

Well... I found a lump. It all started when my mother told me she had one and was going for some tests. Fortunately she is okey since it was just a cyst with liquid so they just emptied it. When she told me she had a lump I checked my breasts thoroughly (I usually check them) and I noticed something that hasn't been there before. I had a lump!!

I went to Sweden so it took me a couple of weeks to get to the doctor to check it. He confirmed that I do have a lump and I felt like crying afterwards since I knew I didn't imagine it.

I had an appointment at the breast clinic, but since I was due to have my period my breasts was too swollen so they couldn't do anything. They gave me a new appointment in two weeks time.

When I came there the 2nd time they were an hour late, and after the scan with ultrasound they told me they didn't have time for biopsi so I had to come back later! 2 days later I came back for the biopsi. I've heard some stories about it, so I must admit I was nervous and felt really uncomfortable. I got anastetic so I didn't feel a thing, but I really hope I don't have to do it again. Now I just have to wait till 24 december for the results. Christmas Eve!!! I just wish for a good christmas present then...

The thing is that the first doctor had a student with him and he explained a lot to her, which made me hear a lot more than I usually should have... So, on a scale from 1-5 where 5 is cancer and 1 is totally fine, I'm now graded as a 4.

The worst part is done - the biopsi. Now I will just have to wait, and I must say that my brain is great because I don't even remember this. I will not think about it at all. I can't do anything about it, just wait for the results, so why bother?! It doesn't make a difference anyway! The results will be the same with or without worrying...

Fingers crossed!

I'm going back to Sweden

So... I made up my mind - I decided to go back to Sweden. I realised that I will have regrets if I don't try this. I want to change my life and do something different and this is my chance.

I really like my job and I actually like it even more now when we are really busy and need to work overtime. Not because of the money, but just because I like to feel needed and we have such a good teamwork. I love my colleagues! They are just great!

I will really miss Brighton, but for the moment it feels like I'm coming back - this is not definately. I'm going back to Sweden to get an education so I can earn some good money later. Then I can have the life I wish for in England. I will sort my things in Sweden and then we'll see. One thing leeds to another!

On the 11th January I will leave England to reach for my new future. A lot have happened in my life lately. Last year I moved to England, which changed my life forever. Now I'm making a big change again. It's a bit scary, but I know in my heart that I'm doing the right thing. I will follow my dream.

Accepted to the school!!!

Today I got an email - I'm accepted to the school in Uppsala! It's two years studies and then I can work as personal trainer or wellness coach. Wow!

First I was offered the job as salesperson at the gym in Västerås, but I turned it down since it didn't feel right. After that I thought I might stay in England for a while since I can't afford another trip back home for interviews. Thought I was ment to stay for a while... But now when I have this offer - I can't really make up my mind. I can't say I will stay in England, since I'm afraid I will make regrets if I don't give it a try. It would be great to show myself that I can do it.

For the moment I feel fat and worthless since I haven't been able to loose as much as I should - I even gained weight when I was in Sweden! :( But I have to think of how I want to live my life - do I want to be fit och fat? My answer is: I want to be fit! So, if I work hard I will make it. I have two years hard work in front of me, but when I graduate I will definately be able to show a good example! Even though I might not work as a personal trainer afterwards, this education can bring something unexpected and I will have a lot of personal benefits from it.

So... What will I do?! Don't know...

My mothers lic

When I was in Sweden I attended my mothers lic. I was very proud of her - she did a great job and she passed as well! Woho! Well done Mum! :)

Now it's gone!

I was in Sweden for some interviews and I stayed in the guestroom at my fathers and Gunnels place. I love that flat! Gunnel has had a hairsaloon for many years and we were discussing hairstyles... It ended up with a haircut! I (or Gunnel did it for me) cut my long hair off!!! My dad said: Welcome back! when he saw me. Everyone who have known me for a while know that I have had short hair most of my life and I feel really comfortable with short hair. Soo... Good bye, wavy curls!

My friends and colleagues in Brighton got really suprised! Hahaha! My personal trainer hardly recognised me - he was not the only one who had to look a few times to be sure it was true. ;)

Intervju

Soo... I have an intervju for the course in Sweden. The course that will make me personal trainer. Just a few days ago I said I would not accept it, that I would do something else instead, but now when I got the message I started to re-think. I feel I can't stay in England since I can't afford a proper house, but still, I like it here. Then I remembered my first plan - to become personal trainer and move back to England. So, I will give it a try, and if I get accepted I suppose it's faith. :) Going to Sweden next week - fingers crossed!